week 39: the waiting game

2 months vs. 9 months 

Up until a few days ago i've been pretty patient waiting on this little guy. I was still feeling pretty normal and comfortable and honestly was just happy to have him healthy inside my belly. now that he has started to settle into position and has become rather large i'm finding myself very ready for him to make his appearance. now that we have officially hit our last week i am trying to mentally prepare myself for the fact that he could literally come at any time.  for the first and second trimesters i was just focused on getting to the next week, or the next appointment and making sure he was healthy and growing. i actually had a lot of anxiety in the beginning about something bad happening. but now i'm in the phase of "is it going to be today?" "will it be tomorrow?" "will i be 10 dyas overdue?!" literally ever time i do something i think "is this the last time i will do this pregnant?" im constantly worried about keeping the house clean, having the laundry done, having clean dishes, and just having everything in order "just in case" something were to happen. up until this point i havent really experienced many contractions or pain, so i don't really know if that means he's not coming for a while or if one day a switch will flip and ill just be in full blown painful contraction hell. everyone tells me that once i'm in labor and having "real" contractions i will know.... and that kind of scares me! 

honestly the last few weeks i've been seriously stressed about labor. not knowing what to expect in terms or pain and just the whole process overall. throughout my life i have only been admitted to the hospital once maybe twice and it wasn't for anything serious. i've always hated going to the doctor and going to the hospital makes my skin crawl, even if its just to visit someone else (maybe its the weird smell)... ahh makes me nervous just thinking about it- dont even get me started on needles!! soo the fact that i already know i'm going to be in a lot of pain and i'm going to have to go to the hospital, voluntarily, kinda just stresses/freaks me out. i just have this fear that i'll go into labor and i'm going to start freaking out, crying, blah blah blah!! i'm such a baby! im really hoping that the worst case scenario wont happen and by some miracle i will be calm, cool and collected. i pray everyday for an easy, smooth, uneventful NORMAL labor. 

another factor that makes all this stressful is that people just looove to tell you about a friend or cousin or sister who had this horrible labor yada yada yada, and its like um helllo... why are you telling me this? as if im not already freaked out enough! i just keeping trying to tell myself that no two labor experiences are the same. i know that know matter what anyone tells me, i cant really prepare myself because what someone else went through wont be what i will go through. i also know that women have been giving birth since the beginning of time soooo i guess this is kind of what my body was made to do, so everything will be fine. AND despite my hatred for hospitals i am grateful for modern medicine and doctors that i know will do whatever they can to keep me and my baby healthy and safe. 

much like the first few weeks of pregnancy, i have been experiencing a very wide array of emotions. i've cried more in the last week than i have my whole pregnancy, about a variety of many things. i find myself questioning my abilities as a mom and nervous i wont be a "good" one. sometimes asking myself "what did we get ourselves into?! we are juts kids ourselves!!" literally everyone asks me if i'm ready and if i feel prepared and usually my answer is "i think so.... but i don't know".. because i really don't. i have looked at lists about all the stuff you "have to have" and I've talked to friends and family about things i need, but i don't honestly think anyone can ever be fully prepared for this type of life change. even if i was to buy every single baby gadget at buy buy baby i still wouldn't be 100% prepared because I've never have MY OWN BABY!!! this is a completely new and unchartered territory for me and i have no idea what it will be like. i think its normal for first time, soon to be moms to wonder if they will be good enough and ask questions like: "will my baby like me?" "will i be filled with all that love everyone describes?" "will i still be a good wife?" "will i be able to breastfeed?" the list goes on and on and ON. no one tells you about this part of pregnancy, no one can get inside your head and help you understand what it will be like. so really all i do all day is envision and create different scenarios in my head about what could or might happen. all i can really do at this point is pray and hope that those god given motherly instincts that everyone talks about are real and that they really will kick in when they need to. writing out all these thoughts and feelings i have been having does kind of help- i tend to make things alot bigger deal in my head, but writing everything down and reading it makes it all seem a little less intense and scary. hopefully the next time i update it will be about our little babe and not about all my overdue pregnancy emotions! 

xo, kyndal 


Final Countdown Pregnancy Update

I never did updates throughout my pregnancy but as this is all coming to an end I wanted to write down a few thoughts that I thought I might want to have to look back on. So heres a few thoughts about the last 9 months with this cute little nugget... 

How Far Along: 28 weeks 5 days

Total Weight Gain: About 20

Maternity Clothes: The first trimester and beginning of the second trimester were a bit awkward in terms of clothes… I didn’t quite feel comfortable in my regular clothes but maternity clothes seemed too big. At about 20 weeks I finally invested in a few pairs of maternity jeans and it was the best decision ever. I love the bellyband! I honestly didn’t buy too many things… I’ve pretty much rotated through the same pants, leggings, tees and dresses the entire time. Accessories and cardigans helped me change things up.

Stretch Marks: I fear that writing this before I’ve given birth will jinx me but… I have yet to get a stretch mark. I’ve been trying really hard to keep the belly moisturized (with the two lotions I mentioned in a previous post) and I’ve tried to maintain a steady and slow weight gain. Unfortunately, there’s still time for some to show up- I’m crossing my fingers they don’t though!

Sleep: To be honest I feel like I’ve slept better since being pregnant than I did before! Basically if I lie horizontally, I get tired and pretty much just pass out. The last week or so I’ve been having to get up a few times in the night to pee, but other than that I don’t have any troubles. Sometimes baby boy has a hard time settling down when I’m ready for bed so ill have to walk around a bit or rock back and forth till he gets comfy. I don’t use a pregnancy pillow, just a long body pillow.

Best Moment of the Pregnancy so far: Its hard to choose just one thing because there have been lots of great moments over the last 9 months, but a few would be: When I stopped being nauseous at about 15-16 weeks, the 20 week ultrasound when we found out we were having a baby boy that was perfect and healthy, AND feeling all his little kicks and movements whenever Kent talks to him J he loves his daddy!

Movement: From the moment I first felt him back at 16 weeks he hasn’t stopped moving! He’s an active little guy, but I love feeling him move throughout the day- especially when there is music on or when people talk to him.

Cravings: I’m not one of those pregnant girls that craved pickles and ice cream or anything really weird. There was a phase I went through when potatoes or any kind of always sounded good (mashed, baked, fresh fries, tater tots, you name it), but other than that there hasn’t really been one thing that I really craved a lot.

Aversions: Nothing really! I do have a very strong sense of smell right now so things that smelled good or bad before pregnancy are very amplified, but there isn’t anything that makes me feel queasy or sick (thank goodness).

Belly Button status: Its kind of just flat right now.. I have a very deep belly button so I don’t think it will ever sick out.

Wedding ring: Still on! I’ve been lucky to have not gotten swollen yet! I’m just glad he will be here before the humid summer arrives!

Mood: I always joke with Kent that he’s lucky because I’m the most laid back pregnant woman ever because I don’t feel like I’ve had many crazy outbursts or mood swings. Luckily I’ve managed to stay pretty level headed and my emotions have stayed normal (with the exception of a few random days) Hopefully it lasts postpartum…

Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks every once in a while (I think). With this being my first pregnancy I don’t really know what to expect as far as labor signs. The last few days this little guy feels huge so when he moves he sometimes will hit a nerve down in my pelvis- which is a little uncomfortable and I can tell my body is changing and preparing but no real labor yet! Everyone keeps telling me that  when it starts to happen I “wont miss it” 

Biggest Fear: I think it goes without being said but LABOR… ugh I swear I’ve heard more bad labor stories that I cared to.. and I hope that the fact that I’ve had a good pregnancy doesn’t mean that I’m going to have a bad labor- I don’t know what but I feel like there has to be a balance. I’m really just trying to tell myself not to stress about it- women have been doing this since the beginning of time so I think that means ill get through it.

Most Excited for: That first skin to skin snuggle…. The last few months I’ve day-dreamed about what he will look like and what his temperament will be and I cant wait for that first meeting we have as a family of three (it almost brings tears to my eyes to think about it).

Overall this pregnancy has been great, if I could just skip over that first trimester I could honestly say I’ve really loved it! It’s been so nice to not be in school so that I could just focus on being pregnant and preparing for him. It weird because everyone always tells you that it will fly by but you really don’t understand how quickly the time goes until you’re experiencing it! Being pregnant really makes you think about things differently, you see things and experience things with a different perspective, but it’s still hard to know what to expect- everyday is a learning experience. Being a mom is something I always knew I wanted to be. I have always been excited about this time in my life, but now that I’m actually experiencing it and I’m about to become a mom I’m having a hard time realizing that its real! Somedays I wake up in the morning and feel him kick and I snap back to reality and have to remember that I really am pregnant.

I think about my life right now and the routine and schedule that Kent and I have and it’s just weird how much that is all going to change! We have truly loved our 5 years of kid free life- we’ve had some fun adventures together and have loved having the alone time. That being said we are so excited for this BIG change and I know that once our little guy is here we wont know what we ever did without him! 

Become my Penn Pal on BlogLovin'!

Follow on Bloglovin